Computer classes, anyone?

I don’t think they’re getting it.  They must have read it on here… their spying just makes this site more popular.  The more they read, the easier it is for anyone to find it.  I thought they wanted me to stop talking.  Even if they expect me to stop talking… they’re spreading the message to others better than I ever could.  Thanks for that, by the way.

Let’s review for everyone, though…

Things to NOT say to a survivor (please excuse any repetition, it is late):

  • What’s the big deal?
  • Why didn’t you fight?
  • You shouldn’t have gone to his room.
  • Were you drunk?
  • It’s better not to talk about it.
  • You probably asked for it/insinuated it/gave permission
  • You’re lying/I don’t believe you/(s)he wouldn’t do that
  • Just get over it already! It’s in the past!
  • That is so disgusting. Aren’t you ashamed? I wouldn’t tell anyone if I were you…
  • Are you sure it happened?
  • I don’t think that really happened.
  • You’re exaggerating.
  • You’re just using it as an excuse.
  • You’re just saying that to get out doing something.
  • They just lost control, you should forgive them.
  • If you dressed differently, it wouldn’t have happened.
  • You’re just saying that to get attention.
  • Why would you try to ruin their reputation like that?
  • They didn’t do that, they are a nice person!
  • Well, you can’t say no after you already start kissing!
  • Stop making such a big deal out of it!
  • It’s karma, did you ever do that to someone before?
  • Stop provoking people!
  • I believed you until you said it happened more than once.
  • Ask if we liked it.
  • Tell us “it’s just sex”.
  • Tell us how we could have avoided it.
  • Tell us it would never happen to you and why.
  • God is punishing you for some misdeed by allowing this to happen.
  • Tell us it was God’s will we were raped.
  • Tell us that survivors make up tales for attention.
  • Tell me not to talk about it.
  • Say “other people have it worse off than you”. .
  • Blame us for what happened.
  • Tell us to to put what happened out of our minds.
  • Tell us “it’s no big deal”.
  • Say something like, “Well, it’s been six months (a year, 5 years etc.) and ask if we’re “over it” yet.
  • Ask us if we couldn’t have done something differently during the attack.
  • Tell us that it’s not rape because we knew the attacker.
  • Tell us we should take it as a compliment.
  • Tell us “Oh yeah, I know a bunch of girls who’ve been raped”.
  • Tell us “Oh well, you’ll have other dates that will go better.”

I did not invent these lists myself, I am merely passing them on from the following resources:

http://www.northeastern.edu/uhcs/counseling/sexassaulthowtohelp.html

http://mjzearen.tumblr.com/post/17783278539/things-you-shouldnt-say-to-people-suffering-from

http://slutwalkseattle.com/post/26729733175/shit-people-say-to-survivors

http://www.hopeforhealing.org/not.html

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